Reflection
by sakonma
Summary: Kanda recalls parts of his past, along with unfulfilled desires, in which he finally succumbs. Mentions of Alma. Warnings: Improper use of mirror. Rated M for masturbation.


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The silence was swallowing everything in a certain small, dark room of the Black Order. Not a trace of life was to be felt, except for a beloved lotus flower, protected in the embrace of an hourglass. Not a trace of light was to be seen, except for the few rays, trusting themselves through the broken, colorful, stained glass window of the tower. The loneliness and the abandoning were screaming, trying to escape the four walls. Company was found only in the few furniture. A single bed in the one corner, a table caring the hourglass on the other, and a big, extraordinarily beautiful, rich in detail, carved mirror in between the shadows.

Footsteps could be heard. The silence was broken. A person slowly entered the room after returning from their multiple and tiring missions. Black, long, silk hair brushed the door, hands that seemed like they never suffered injury, closed it, bare feet stood before it. Silence again, broken by a faint sigh.

Kanda sighed once more. His eyes wandered from the one furniture to the other. Not that there were many anyway. Quickly enough he stopped and looked at the hourglass, engulfing the lotus. He remembered his wish. He remembered his past. He remembered everything.

The black haired man sighed another time. With slow, but confident steps he approached the table. With steady movements he started undressing himself. The belt holding his most precious thing, his Katana Mugen, was removed first. Carefully, the sword was placed on the table, next to his second precious belonging, the imprisoned lotus flower. Longingly, he traced his hand on it. A flower so fragile, yet so strong, holding all his life together. How he wished for it to just stop existing, to just wither…

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, recalling the past, the friendship, the love, the hate, the despair and finally the death, Kanda opened them again. It was too late. He couldn't brush these thoughts away anymore. The reason his room was empty, the reason he never stayed in it, and the reason he avoided every possibility of entering it, was this single object. He deeply despised, but loved it at the same time. It would bring back everything. Feelings, memories…desires.

The samurai proceeded on removing the rest of his clothes. The coat, top and trousers were tossed aside carelessly and quickly, followed by various combating accessories. He didn't hesitate to get rid of his underwear and hair tie either. Now, with long hair trying to cover a completely naked body, he was faced with the dilemma of what to do. Nothing or something? Kanda was thinking of crawling into his bed and resting his body a bit. Not his mind. This would never rest. Even when he came back from his missions extremely exhausted and searched for the comfort of his bed, his eyes would never close. They were always fixated on the lonely flower on the table. The proof he existed and the proof he shouldn't exist.

But not this time. The male suddenly turned his back to the irritating pinkish white existence, and closed the distance between him and the full body mirror on the other side of the room. He stood before it for quite some time, inspecting his own naked body. Black hair white skin and a mysterious tattoo on his left chest, keeping all of his secrets safe. How fake his body was. It seemed untouched, but in reality it had been through much more than any other normal body. Broken bones, stabbed flesh, cut limbs… He didn't forget even a single injury that was inflicted on him. Even more the very first ones. Injuries of love and hate, injuries his very own first and best friend granted him. Now they started to show. The invisible scars, the blood and… the flowers.

He was looking in the mirror, at his own reflection and the room surrounding him, now covered with nelumbo flowers. Of course they were always there to haunt him. To remind him of all the times he died and of the times he had yet to die. To remind him of the promise he didn't make, but had to fulfill. A place coated with flowers. She wished for it. There it was.

While still examining the world through the mirror, he thought of just dying some more. Finally putting an end to this pitiful life seemed very tempting. No one would care. No one would ask anyway. It would just be him being used as a weapon for the Holy War. But also him filling his mind, his illusory world with more flowers for an unknown lover, that wasn't his own.

Kanda hated it. The past he had to remember, but that didn't belong to him. The lover he had to love, that he had never even met. The true person that was precious to him, that he had to kill with his own bloodstained hands.

He hadn't forgotten Alma. How could he possibly do that? His hated rival, beloved friend and desired lover. Only that it never came to the last part. Six months of spending together was just too little for that. Six months of torturing them with gruesome experiments was enough to drive him crazy. So much that it forced his host's memories on him.

But Alma was always there and that way everything seemed much easier. He didn't mind getting hurt, he didn't mind the cruelty of the world they woke up in, he didn't mind anything as long as Alma was with him. But Innocence be damned. It eventually drove Alma crazy too. How he wished for a different ending. How much he wished to have his friend by his side…

Afflicted and emotionally charged, Yuu took a step towards the big mirror, so that his body was practically coming in contact with it. Cold glass against warm skin. At least it helped him calm down. Or so he thought…

While watching his dark reflection, Kanda lowered his head. Warm, wet lips brushed cold and hard ones. After closing his eyes for this brief moment, trying to enjoy it, he opened them again. The reflection changed. Bright eyes were staring back at him. Lustful ones, filled with unrealized desires, seeking pleasure in everything. Black hair. Short. And a small scar across the face. Kanda recognized Alma immediately. His heartbeat accelerated. His lips longed for contact again. Once more the cold mirror's temperature rose. A heated body pressed against a frigid one. Kanda desperately leaned in for more. Alma was kissing him back, robbing him from his temperature, yet still remaining as cold as ever. Almost like a corpse. But Kanda didn't mind. Yearning for what was left of loving, he pushed himself more, not leaving a single inch of his own skin untouched by the cold glass, especially his abdomen.

He knew this was wrong. Still the raven haired young man didn't care the slightest. He wanted to feel pleasure, and he needed it right now. Noticing the already hard organ, he pushed further, colliding with his deceased lover's reflection. They moved together, brushing their members in a playful, yet slow manner, in what seemed like a hungry, passionate kiss.

Kanda didn't know what was warmer. The semen dripping from his painful erection, crying for release, his own tears, flooding his eyes, running down his flushed cheeks, or his saliva, coating the mirror from the multiple kisses? The only thing he knew was that Alma was there with him, moving with him, sharing and understanding his every feeling. He couldn't stand it for much longer.

He removed his right hand, which vainly tried to grab Alma's, from the mirror's surface, and slowly traced it all the way down from his right nipple, to his abdomen, finally brushing over his member with feather like touches. It was enough to drive him to his limits. With a quick movement he grabbed it in a painful way, trying not to reach the climax just yet. Yuu closed his eyes while hissing loudly. He groaned too. After some moments of trying to calm down, making sure he wouldn't come too soon, he dared a glimpse into the mirror.

Alma was smiling at him, with tears in his eyes, touching himself in the same way Kanda did. How the latter wished to break the mirror that separated the two of them. Yet he knew that the object was the only thing that kept them connected in the end. He trusted himself and touched the tip of his erection. A hiss come out, but was soon enough turned into a melody of pleasurable sighs. More sounds filled the room. Kanda wanted to make sure his lover would hear him.

After giving the head some more attention, he then slowly moved his hand along the shaft. Watching his lover on the other side to the same, bearing the same expression, making the exact same sounds, was enough to make him climax multiple times. But he had to contain himself. He knew that everything would be over after the addictive bliss was reached. Their lips connected once more, and with his other hand Yuu left Alma's, and caressed his left nipple. Alma was doing the same. Their rhythm was in complete synchronization.

Kanda started to kneel. It was too much for his legs to handle. They were starting to feel weak, yet ready to open wider, inviting his lover, welcoming the desired climax. He was now sitting down, his right hand increasing its stroking speed, his left roaming over his sweat coated body. Alma was watching him with kind but curious eyes and a warm smile, while Yuu was pleading him with half-opened lids, begging for release. A final kiss on the mirror, a quick pump on his member and a muffled moan after, Yuu threw his head backwards, crying out loud Alma's name without restraining himself this time, spreading his legs in order to make his orgasm last longer.

Moans, sighs, collapsing, sweat drops and white, sticky liquid. Followed by silence yet again.

He didn't regret what he just did, but he feared he would, if he were to see the results of his actions. He was afraid of the empty, completely normal looking glass, showing his reflection alone.

Still Yuu forced himself to look at it. A dirty glass, reflecting a dirty body. He was very exhausted, to the point that he didn't know if the short haired male on the other side, that was smiling at him gratefully, emitting obvious caring and loving feelings, was real or just another illusion.

All he knew was that in this room, it would always be just him and the cold, hard mirror.

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**Author's Note:** Hello~ This is my first fanfiction here~! So don't throw any bricks at me~

Anyway this is a part of an AlmaxKanda doujinshi I'll start drawing~ Just wanted to write it down, afraid of forgetting it... *happens often!*

Might as well add more parts of the doujinshi in form of text~ Since it will take me a while to finish it orz

I'm terrified of forgetting my ideas!

Anyway hope you enjoyed this story~

Thank you for reading!


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